Writing Avoidance Alert

I don't usually whinge about writing, but...

I've just this afternoon finished the bulk of a first draft of the Really Long Pros Story. Everything but the denouement, actually. (The missing denouement is not an insignificant piece of the action, since I've left an awful lot of messy emotional threads left hanging that have to be re-woven into the fabric of the narrative. But let's ignore that for now.) I've printed it out. (96 pages! How the heck did I write 96 pages?) I've done a first paper edit.

And now... now I've got to face those first couple of betas. They're sitting on my desktop. They're mocking me. And I, coward that I am, really don't want to open 'em.

I'm not usually like this. I'm one of those weirdos who enjoys the editing more than the first draft stage. I like getting feedback from betas/editors whose opinions I trust and using that feedback to wrestle the story into better shape. (And I totally trust these betas with my writing life. Take a bow justacat and faramir_boromir.)

I think this may be more a factor of the length of the thing (the size of that printout just floored me; I wrote all that?) and the length of time I've been working on it (five years, give or take). There's always an aspect of the "what if they think it's crap" when looking at other people's comments, but when it's something that's taken a greater level of commitment than usual, the level of risk seems greater as well.

Or maybe it's just 'cause I'm tired.

Okay, whinge over. You may go back to your regularly scheduled LJ viewing.