The Wedding Bus...
Oct. 15th, 2004 12:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
przed...Or how not to get run over by it.
A very few of you may know that my S.O. of nearly 8 years and I have decided to get married. We're doing it for a largely bureaucratic reason that I won't get into here, but decided that we might as well have a nice big party for our friends while we were at it.
We have come to the conclusion that weddings are one big pain in the arse. (Most commonly heard sentence in our household the last two weeks, uttered by either one of us: "I love you, sweetie, but this wedding is a big pain in the arse.")
No doubt our problem is that a) we're older, b) we know what we like and don't like about weddings c) we're trying NOT to do all the stuff we hate and d) the damn Wedding Bus keeps tryin to either get us on it or run us over. My favourite moment was when we were trying to convince our caterer that, no, we did not have to do X (fill in the goofy wedding tradition of your choice), that we were going for a non-traditional ceremony that was far more relaxed that she was used to. She smiled, said "I think that's great!" and then proceeded to try and convince us to do X anyway. Sigh.
For anyone who ever goes through this themselves, here's some of the ways we have negotiated our way around the Wedding Bus,
The Ceremony
We're both very decidedly non-religious and wanted absolutely no mention of god, God, the Creator or what-have-you during the ceremony. The S.O. found a site for the Toronto Humanist Association that included lists of people who do secular wedding ceremonies. We've got a very nice woman, who's a university professor, a feminist and an all-round nice person doing our ceremony.
The Dress
I always swore that if I found a reason to get married, it wouldn't be in white. So, I've gone to Asian tradition and will be wearing a custom made red silk Chinese cheong sam. And it should look stunning, if I do say so myself. (Although I was temtped to get Chinese scholar's robes made for the S.O., and he was game, the fact that they would likely look kinda silly on his 6'6" frame kinda held me back. So it's a classic shawl-collared black tuxedo for him. Wonder if I can get him to do a Bond impression...)
The Gifts
We've been together nearly 8 years and living together over 7 of those. We don't need toasters or towels. So, we've encouraged people to give to our two favourite charities: The Daily Bread Food Bank and Covenant House.
The Speeches
I'm a teacher by trade. I spend my working life talking in front of other people. I've even spent a couple of years teaching public speaking. In spite of, or perhaps because of this, there is no way I want speeches at my wedding. I feel no need, the S.O. feels no need, my parents were dreading having to do it, and we were dreading the S.O.'s dad wanting to make one. So, as a result, there will be no speeches at our ceremony. None. Nada. Rien. Zip. No way.
The Bouquet and Garter
See the speeches. Bouquet will be replaced by a wrist corsage. There will be nothing whatsoever thrown, unless it's by one of the kids who's invited to the wedding.
Cake Toppers
There's a lot of people with bad taste out there, and apparently they're all designing cake toppers for wedding cakes. I mean, jeezus, there's some ugly stuff out there: kids with big eyes; creepy-looking dancing couples; dolphins. We went for something a bit more fun: Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein as done by the Japanese Kubrick toy company.
The Glasses Clinking Thing
Since we're the pop culture mavens that we are, we will only kiss if we can be stumped at movie trivia. And only if the attempted stumpers know the answer to the question.
Centrepieces
Ya buy 'em, people take 'em home, they die. In keeping with the Asian theme, we decided to go with bamboo, in clear glass vases, with tiger's eye stones. They're beautiful, kinda funky and the bamboo shoud live for years. (We're doing movie trivia to determine who gets the centrepieces, assuming more than one person at the table wants 'em.)
Tables
On the suggestion of our caterer, we've named our tables, rather than numbering them. They've all got the names of directors that are important to us both. The head table is name for Jean-Pierre Melville, since it was at a retrospective of his French crime films that we got together in the first place. Other tables include Woo, Lean, Cronenberg (we are Canadian, after all), Kitano and Antonioni.
The Wedding DJ
Hoping to avoid the usual wedding music cliches, we armed ourselves with an iPod and our stupidly huge record collections and are programming our own music. From Nat King Cole to Nick Cave and everything in between.
It'll all be over by Saturday night. I'm hoping it's fun and we survive it without anything major screwing up.
A very few of you may know that my S.O. of nearly 8 years and I have decided to get married. We're doing it for a largely bureaucratic reason that I won't get into here, but decided that we might as well have a nice big party for our friends while we were at it.
We have come to the conclusion that weddings are one big pain in the arse. (Most commonly heard sentence in our household the last two weeks, uttered by either one of us: "I love you, sweetie, but this wedding is a big pain in the arse.")
No doubt our problem is that a) we're older, b) we know what we like and don't like about weddings c) we're trying NOT to do all the stuff we hate and d) the damn Wedding Bus keeps tryin to either get us on it or run us over. My favourite moment was when we were trying to convince our caterer that, no, we did not have to do X (fill in the goofy wedding tradition of your choice), that we were going for a non-traditional ceremony that was far more relaxed that she was used to. She smiled, said "I think that's great!" and then proceeded to try and convince us to do X anyway. Sigh.
For anyone who ever goes through this themselves, here's some of the ways we have negotiated our way around the Wedding Bus,
The Ceremony
We're both very decidedly non-religious and wanted absolutely no mention of god, God, the Creator or what-have-you during the ceremony. The S.O. found a site for the Toronto Humanist Association that included lists of people who do secular wedding ceremonies. We've got a very nice woman, who's a university professor, a feminist and an all-round nice person doing our ceremony.
The Dress
I always swore that if I found a reason to get married, it wouldn't be in white. So, I've gone to Asian tradition and will be wearing a custom made red silk Chinese cheong sam. And it should look stunning, if I do say so myself. (Although I was temtped to get Chinese scholar's robes made for the S.O., and he was game, the fact that they would likely look kinda silly on his 6'6" frame kinda held me back. So it's a classic shawl-collared black tuxedo for him. Wonder if I can get him to do a Bond impression...)
The Gifts
We've been together nearly 8 years and living together over 7 of those. We don't need toasters or towels. So, we've encouraged people to give to our two favourite charities: The Daily Bread Food Bank and Covenant House.
The Speeches
I'm a teacher by trade. I spend my working life talking in front of other people. I've even spent a couple of years teaching public speaking. In spite of, or perhaps because of this, there is no way I want speeches at my wedding. I feel no need, the S.O. feels no need, my parents were dreading having to do it, and we were dreading the S.O.'s dad wanting to make one. So, as a result, there will be no speeches at our ceremony. None. Nada. Rien. Zip. No way.
The Bouquet and Garter
See the speeches. Bouquet will be replaced by a wrist corsage. There will be nothing whatsoever thrown, unless it's by one of the kids who's invited to the wedding.
Cake Toppers
There's a lot of people with bad taste out there, and apparently they're all designing cake toppers for wedding cakes. I mean, jeezus, there's some ugly stuff out there: kids with big eyes; creepy-looking dancing couples; dolphins. We went for something a bit more fun: Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein as done by the Japanese Kubrick toy company.
The Glasses Clinking Thing
Since we're the pop culture mavens that we are, we will only kiss if we can be stumped at movie trivia. And only if the attempted stumpers know the answer to the question.
Centrepieces
Ya buy 'em, people take 'em home, they die. In keeping with the Asian theme, we decided to go with bamboo, in clear glass vases, with tiger's eye stones. They're beautiful, kinda funky and the bamboo shoud live for years. (We're doing movie trivia to determine who gets the centrepieces, assuming more than one person at the table wants 'em.)
Tables
On the suggestion of our caterer, we've named our tables, rather than numbering them. They've all got the names of directors that are important to us both. The head table is name for Jean-Pierre Melville, since it was at a retrospective of his French crime films that we got together in the first place. Other tables include Woo, Lean, Cronenberg (we are Canadian, after all), Kitano and Antonioni.
The Wedding DJ
Hoping to avoid the usual wedding music cliches, we armed ourselves with an iPod and our stupidly huge record collections and are programming our own music. From Nat King Cole to Nick Cave and everything in between.
It'll all be over by Saturday night. I'm hoping it's fun and we survive it without anything major screwing up.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-14 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 07:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 05:02 am (UTC)The best advice I ever got was: it's your wedding. If you're lucky, you'll only have one. Make sure you enjoy it.
And even tho it's sounds sappy, you will remember it for years (or others will for you :)
Many happy returns for the day!
(Post photos please ---I want to see that dress and tux)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 07:15 am (UTC)I'll post photos as soon as I get 'em. (We've asked a few friends to take pics at the wedding, and at least two have digital cameras.)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 06:04 am (UTC)Hmmm, no speeches eh? What about very long winded toasts?
Ooh, you shouldn't have mentioned the movie trivia. Now I have a chance to stump you before the weekend. Muhaaaa! (my attempt at evil manical laughter)
I think non-tradional weddings are becoming the norm. The one we attended earlier this month for Keri and Josh was very non-traditional as well. Held outdoors with no speeches and no formal reception to speak of. If I had to do it all again that is the route I would go.
Best Wishes and see you Saturday.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 07:14 am (UTC)And if you get any good digital pics of us, could you send 'em to me? I'd like to post some pics in here, and we still haven't gotten around to getting a digital camera.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 08:37 am (UTC)I was going to ask you if I had permission to post pictures on LJ of your wedding, but hey, you doing so is a much better idea.
I will definitely forward you a few pictures after the fact. I cut a CD for Josh and Keri after their wedding and I'll probably do the same for you guys. My 2.0 Megapixel produces very good quality 4x6 prints.
If you guys do look I recommend going to HENRY'S and buying something that's last years model. Good price and not always advertized, that's how I got mine.
Talk to you soon. Stay sane.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 09:00 am (UTC)But all the very best - I hope it goes well and that you have a lovely day!
Good wishes
Liza
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 01:38 pm (UTC)I'm sure it will be a fun day. We've both had our stress out moments but are now just looking forward to having a fun time.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 11:33 am (UTC)Sounds like you're wedding will be tasteful and sane. Mazel tov!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 01:39 pm (UTC)Tasteful and sane pretty much sums up what we're aiming for. Hope we hit the mark.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 12:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 12:43 pm (UTC)Hope everything goes well with this, it sounds like you've whittled away most of the nonsense - here's to lots of fun! :)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 01:43 pm (UTC)Yup. Even if you're not too obsessed with planning "your special day," (and can the wedding industry use that cliche any more than they already do?) weddings can really suck your time away. (No WWW story from me this year, alas.)
I think we've got everything under control. We have absolutely nothing left to do tomorrow except show up at the hall and have a good time.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-16 10:05 am (UTC):)
And may you have many more happy years together!
I want snaps of you in the dress!!!! I bet you'll look spectacular!!!
Best Wishes
no subject
Date: 2004-10-16 10:35 am (UTC)I'm hoping to have pics to post in the next couple of days. It all depends on the friends with digital cameras coming through.