So, the good news is I'm not in jail...

[przed]

The bad news is I got detained at the border on my way to MediaWest. For an hour and a half.

It all started when the officer at U.S. customs asked me to pop my trunk. Since I was carrying 20 copies of my vids, I knew I was in trouble. When she asked me to pull over to the side, I knew I was in big trouble.

Customs Dude: So, what's on the disks?
Me: Music videos I've made.
Customs Dude: Is this copyrighted material?
Me: Uhhhh.

Needless to say, this did not go well. Just try and explain song vids and fandom to a nice, clean-cut, young customs dude. While your adrenal glands are going into overdrive.

Customs Dude: Why do you make these videos?
Me: Ummm...
Customs Dude: How did you start doing this?
Me: I honestly have no idea how to answer that. Have you got 3 hours?

Then they stuck me in a little plastic chair in the lobby while they thoroughly searched my car.

Customs Dude: Is there anything I should know about in the car? Any weapons, explosives drugs?
Me: Um, no.

Then left me waiting longer while they watched the vids.

Customs Dude: We're going to have to refer this to a senior officer.

Customs dudes and dudettes file in and out of the office where they've taken the disk. At one point, three older customs dudes, complete with typical cop moustaches, stand at the back of the office and stare at me for ten minutes. All the while, I'm playing nightmare scenarios in my head. What if they confiscate the vids? What if they confiscate my car? What if they arrest me and THROW ME IN JAIL?

At one point, I start cycling through what's on the disks. I don't think there's anything too bad, until I realize the new vid is on the disk. The one called Pop A Boner. The one will lots and lots of male nudity and several shots of boys kissing boys. The adrenaline in my system hits record levels.

Finally, after an hour and a half, the nice, clean-cut, young customs dude comes back with the duffel containing my vids. And gives it back to me.

Customs Dude: We're going to give them back to you but...
Me: Don't do it again.
Customs Dude: Yeah. Basically. And if you want to do it again, mail the disks ahead.
Me: Um, okay.

So, I get in my car, drive to the first rest stop, leave a hysterical message on my sweetie's voicemail and do the rest of the drive to Lansing.

Fortunately, the rest of the con was fabulous and amazing, but I really could have done with a better start.

And at least I'm not in jail.

Comments

[sooguy.livejournal.com]

Wow! I never thought about the danger you run of going to the con each year.

How long have you been going and this is the first time this is happened?

Yikes - you can be sure they've flagged your license plate now. Glad they didn't throw you in the clink!

So how did the vid and accompanying story go over at the con?

Glad you're home safe.

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ!!!

I'd like to apologize for the xenophobia currently running rampant in my (well, I didn't vote the fuckers in, but I suppose I should take responsibility anyway) government.

Damn. I'm glad you're okay and had a good time at the con.

[the-cornettist.livejournal.com]

I am so glad to hear that it all worked out eventually. I always find customs scary dudes. Even when you don't have song vids for a convention on you.

Still, I'd have chipped in for your bail money. Assuming they'd let you have bail of course...

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

Oh my god! I can't even imagine what I'd do in a similar circumstance. Glad the rest of your trip was wonderful!

[stewardess.livejournal.com]

Holy fuck! Argh!

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

OMFG. I'm so glad you're all right.

[zebra363.livejournal.com]

Yikes. What a scary experience!!

[tovalentin.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, P. I wonder why on earth they decided to pull you, of all people, over? Must have seen that psychotic gleam in your eye. I told you to keep your sunglasses on. *g*

God. I would have been sick to my stomach with nerves. You poor guy.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

OMG, how *awful*.

{{{P}}}

You've scared the pants off me, I don't mind telling ya. I'm really glad you came through it okay, but my GOD.

[agentxpndble.livejournal.com]

Holy shit! The things you don't think about until it's too late...! Glad you came through it without jail time or brutalization or anything. Gah!

I would hope that your vids would be considered too much on the artistic expression/art side of things for you to be in danger of copyright violation or bootlegging but geez... Close call! When I think of all the times I travel with *copies* of my shows/movies, I shudder... I could so easily do prison time for that.

Glad you're safe and sound and back home!

[(Anonymous)]

And suddenly I have memories of that scene in 'Highway 61' where Valerie Buhagiar gets stopped at the border by Jello....

Nads

[faramir-boromir.livejournal.com]

It's that "five years and up to $250,000" bit that would have me worried.

Actually, since it is for humorous purposes, I suppose it *might* come under the Fair Use part of the Copyright Act. Maybe. *crosses fingers*

*still grinning like an idiot from seeing Pop a Boner*

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Man, I knew you were a scary, threatening character...but an international criminal...who knew?

(Glad all was well in the end).

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

Hugs (and whew since one of my vids was on at least one of the DVDs).

Xlorp was pulled aside by the Canadian border police one time - his long hair. Plus he was carrying way too much chocolate (apparently). They quizzed him for a long time about that. he kept pointing to me (actually when they pulled him aside I insisited that I go with him. They kept saying it was not necessary.)

I agree with the mailing ahead suggestion (how funny was that - our govt at work). You should be OK with the website.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Holy crap.

You know, one weird thing about Yank customs agents -- they love the show of force of popping your trunk and inspecting it. Sometimes when you get a really macho asshat, he'll make sure to pull his beatstick out, too (this all sounds bizarrely sexual, doesn't it?), just to be extra threatening. The trick, apparently, is to never put anything iffy in the trunk. I've gotten in the habit now of crossing with anything that could be problematic in the front of the car, usually under a coat or something on the back seat, if it's not too huge. They focus intently on trunks, but almost never pay attention to the things inside the car. I used to go up all the time with this person who became nearly hysterical at the border and would start trying to admit things that were perfectly legal, but she was so unglued about everything that she made them sound illegal, and I got in the habit of preparing, even though now I usually go up with much calmer folks.

not that this, of course, in any way helps what happened to you.

[nakeisha.livejournal.com]

That must have been really worrying for you. ::Hugs::

I'm glad that nothing awful, other than what you had to go through, came of it.

Thank goodness all is well.

::Hugs::

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Argh! I'm glad you're not in jail too! How horrid and scary for you... But on the bright side you now have an exciting and amusing story to tell all your friends..?

I get to fight Homeland Security when I come back into the country (I was told they were supposed to check me out of the US, but no one at IAD had any clue about this and they just sent me through). You've made me think I should remember to mail my Pros discs etc ahead - no point asking for extra trouble...

[thoraarwin.livejournal.com]

Oh my God! That's terrible! Glad it turned out okay in the end!*hugs*

The things you do for your hobby, eh?;-) Now I want to know what was happening when the officers were watching the vids er.. together.*clears throat*

[ribby.livejournal.com]

Holy bananas--what an ordeal! You poor thing. I'm glad you can see the funny side of it now, but oh my gosh! I would have been alternately horrified and terrified, I think...

~Kris

[marycrawford.livejournal.com]

Holy SHIT. I am seriously freaked by this. I keep thinking of maybe going to Vividcon, and worrying about the invasive US customs at the airport, and...whoa.

Go you for making it through without falling apart!

[green-key.livejournal.com]

Holy crap! Thank goodness your stuff always sells out. *g* I live near the Detroit/Windsor border and I know the crap I've seen just in casual traveling. Thank goodness it all worked out.

And thanks for getting a MFU panel together. It was fun and interesting, too.

[periwinkle27.livejournal.com]

I was getting ready to wish you a happy birthday and was looking at your video site and backtracked to this. That must have been a horrendous day. I would have been terrible at it - I have a bad tendency to be sarcastic.

But you know my first thought when they said "Is this copyrighted material?" I probably would have given a dumb answer like, "Yes, I copyrighted them in March." The point of the question went right over my head.

I'm so glad it all turned out all right in the end. I loved Pop a Boner